Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
