Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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