if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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