Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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