Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
