No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
