How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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