If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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