i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
