What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
