Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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