so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
