We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
