id be glad to
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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