im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
