Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
