I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
