Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
