Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
