Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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