I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
