if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
