still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
