i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
