it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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