Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
