Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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