You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
