My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
