I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
