How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
