I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
