wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
