Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
