This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
