How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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