my shit smells like andre
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
