you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
