Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
