An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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