He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
