im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
