I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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