Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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