Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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