I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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