He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
thus making me awesome and them whores
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
