tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
