we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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