Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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