Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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