she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
