The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
