If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
