He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
