Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So many bounce houses so little time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
