my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He felt like a one man threesome
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
