Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
