Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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