I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
