The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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